All previous chapters - CHAPTER 1 - CHAPTER 2 - CHAPTER 3 - CHAPTER 4 - CHAPTER 5 - CHAPTER 6 - Chapter 7 - CHAPTER 8 - CHAPTER 9 - CHAPTER 10 - CHAPTER 11 - CHAPTER 12 - CHAPTER 13 - CHAPTER 14 - CHAPTER 15 - CHAPTER 16
Previously on “The bomb in the shed…”; Camilla discover much has changed at home whilst she’s been away, and Jacob reveals that Arthur was the one who sabotaged the launch, and so he has to hand over Bella so they can salvage their ruined investment
And here we go with CHAPTER 17…
Chapter 17
“Do you think I’m crazy?”
“We don’t use that word,” Amanda replied with a kindly smile. “Anyway, I’m not a clinical psychiatrist, Arthur. I don’t do tests or diagnose mental health conditions. I’m a therapist. I’m here to help you confront and address any issues that are causing you problems.”
It wasn’t his family who’d first come to see Arthur in hospital after Jacob left, it was Amanda, his therapist. She’d encouraged Arthur to get out of bed and sit on one of the chairs. He felt better immediately. She was sat in another she placed in front of him, just like the set up in her fake living room. Arthur told her everything that had happened: Elizabeth, his blackouts and the fire in the lab. Why not? He needed help. The old Arthur would have been horrified at the thought of sharing everything that was going on in his life and head with a stranger. But even he had to accept that both his life and his head were a complete mess right now, he couldn’t go on like this.
He said, “You’re not going to have me committed then?”
It was an attempt to make light of it all, but it felt feeble even to him.
She smiled again. “Of course not, Arthur. But I do want you to talk about it some more. I thought we could discuss Elizabeth. Can you do that?”
“Ok.”
It wasn’t going to be easy, he’d kept Elizabeth a secret from everyone for more than twenty years. But he had to get comfortable talking about her. For his own sanity’s sake, for sure. But also because he’d be seeing Camilla later, and there would be no avoiding the subject then.
Amanda said, “Can you see Elizabeth here now?”
“Of course not. I only see her in the shed.”
“Why do you think that is?”
He shrugged.
Arthur had never really thought about it. That was where they worked. Why would she be anywhere else?
“What about the lab,” asked Amanda. “Was she there with you yesterday in the fire?”
He was going to say no. But then realised that might not be true. He couldn’t remember what had happened.
“I don’t know, maybe.”
Amanda paused for a moment. Then asked, “Do you think Elizabeth is real? The person you see in the shed. Is she really there, or is it your imagination?”
Elizabeth was dead, he knew that. But it was something he had been able to simultaneously know yet ignore. It was amazing the gymnastics of logic a brain was able to perform if it was important enough to you.
“I don’t know. She seems real to me.”
Did it make a difference? All that mattered to him was that she was there. No less real to him now than when they were together in New Mexico.
When Amanda said nothing in response he added, “Do you think she could be real? Like a ghost?”
“It doesn’t sound very likely, but I suppose it’s possible. We can’t know for sure…”
Amanda had said something similar before, when Arthur told her he thought people were breaking into his house. That had turned out to be true.
“…Maybe it’s the wrong question though, Arthur. Real or not real. The more important question is what do you want from Elizabeth?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want Elizabeth to go? To leave you alone to live your life with your family? Would that make you happy?”
He’d not even contemplated life with Elizabeth gone. She’d been with him for so long now. Would her going make happy? He wasn’t really sure what made him happy anymore. What about his family? He loved them, but he’d given them no space in his life, locked them into small corners of his mind. They’d suffered because of Elizabeth. Would they have made him happier, if only he’d given them the chance?
He said, “I think maybe I do want Elizabeth to go.”
That wasn’t something Arthur had thought before, let alone said aloud. But he felt an almost instant feeling of relief once he said it. It was painful but cathartic, like when he’d decided to leave in New Mexico.
“Perhaps you could talk to her, just one more time. Explain how you feel and ask her to leave.”
Could he do that? Maybe it was the only way.
Amanda glanced at the clock on the wall. They’d been going for an hour and ten minutes. That long? Their first session had seemed to drag on endlessly. This one felt like it was over in a moment.
“I should go, I’ll leave you to see your family.” Amanda stood to leave. “It’s been wonderful to talk to you again, Arthur, and I hope you feel better soon.”
He said, “Do you think I should see one? A psychiatrist?”
“I think that would probably be a good idea.”
---
An orderly with a hard to place foreign accent and a big beaming smile arrived to take Arthur into the hospital garden. He’d brought a wheelchair but they agreed together that Arthur didn’t need it. He was feeling stronger already and the walk would do him good. The orderly held Arthur by his arm to help keep him steady and chatted the whole way before leaving him sat in a chair with a cup of tea and a biscuit. The chatter was meaningless, but somehow it lifted Arthur’s spirits. And it felt good to be outside and breathing real air. It was strangely liberating to have nothing else to do but listen to the wind in the trees and watch other patients come and go. It was like his mind had been set free, and for once it didn’t matter that there was no work to preoccupy him.
His family appeared shortly after, in a small huddle at the double doors, scanning the garden for him. Alex with a balloon and a card in hand, David with a box of chocolates. Angela had come too, Gemma in her arms. And there was Camilla, empty handed, looking tanned and full of energy. She’d only been away for a few weeks, but it felt like he hadn’t seen her in years.
Alex spotted Arthur and waved enthusiastically. The group paused and exchanged a few words. Then Camilla disappeared while the others came over. Alex gave Arthur a big hug, not something she normally did. Not something that any of them did, at least not with Arthur. He hung on tight for a few moments. She had tears in her eyes. So did he by the time they were done.
David handed the chocolates over while Angela gave him a thin smile and hung on to Gemma, like she was a shield protecting her baby from getting too close to Arthur.
“I’m so glad you’re ok, Dad,” said Alex. “You had us worried.”
“I’m fine, really. Where’s your mother gone?”
David said, “To get tea for everyone. Don’t worry, she’ll be back in a minute.”
Hardly surprising she was avoiding him, if Jacob had told them all about what had been happening. Alex and David were trying their best to hide it, but they were looking at him a little differently, with a mixture of wariness and pity. Like he was a fragile thing they were afraid might break. Angela on the other hand was regarding him with barely veiled contempt, in the rare moments she was even looking his way. Only baby Gemma seemed happily oblivious to his new notoriety.
David said, “Why didn’t you tell us about this new job, Dad?”
“It all happened so fast…” said Arthur.
The excuse sounded weak, even to him. He couldn’t think what else to say. The truth was that he hadn’t even thought to talk to his family about it. Bella was a secret he kept from all of them. The job was just an extension of that.
It was no good, the lies. It had to stop.
He said “… That’s not true. The truth is I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, son. I should have done. I’m sorry. I really am.”
Alex had only just wiped her eyes and she was beginning to tear up again. “At least you’re ok, Dad. Have you thanked Jacob yet?”
“For what?” said Arthur.
She stared at him like he was a complete idiot. “He saved your life.”
Was that true? One moment Arthur had been stuck in the lab, the next he was outside surrounded by firemen with no idea how he got there.
Alex added, “He could have died. The least you could do is thank him.”
Just one more thing that Arthur was clueless about. Had Jacob really risked his life for him?
Camilla arrived with a tray full of cups of tea, biscuits and some sandwiches. She placed it down on the table without catching Arthur’s eye.
“Hello, Camilla.”
She didn’t look up. “Kids, why don’t you grab yourselves some of this food and drink and find another table for a while. I need to talk to your father. Alone.”
---
Jacob was pushing his dad around the local park in his wheelchair. It was his first time out of the flat for days and he didn’t look at all happy about it. A face like a seven year old that had been told he had to tidy his room.
“Why don’t you push yourself?” asked Jacob.
“No, you’re alright, son.”
It was the second time Jacob had asked, light and conversational in the hope he could jolly his dad along. No such luck. He was more than capable of propelling himself in the chair, he just couldn’t be bothered.
Jacob said, “Barbara said you need to be more active, build your upper body strength.”
“I said I’m fine.”
Jacob was irritated too, but as always he tried to hide it. Some people couldn’t help themselves, even when they knew what was good for them. His dad wasn’t stupid, far from it. But he was lazy and stubborn. He’d given up. Outside in the fresh air it was even more obvious how pale and unwell he looked. The murkiness of the flat was a kind of camouflage, a place where his decrepit state blended in and started to appear normal. In the park he looked like a hunted animal that had been flushed out of the undergrowth into the open.
“Jesus, Dad.”
Jacob rolled the wheelchair up to a bench and sat down, his head dropping into hands. There was a group of kids playing football, shouting and laughing. Not a care in the world. He’d been the same at their age. Except he and his friends didn’t need to go to the park. His parents had a huge house, with his own goalposts and a garden big enough to play football in. That was until the accident, and the court case. Before his mum left and everything went to shit.
“What’s the matter, Jakey?”
There was something of his old dad in the way he said it. He seemed to genuinely care about Jacob, more than he did about himself. But then again did he really care? Or was Jacob his one big hope for the future.
“Everything’s gone to shit, Dad. I don’t know what to do.”
They’d lost Sensidium. And now the only way to turn things around was to take Bella away from Arthur and hand her over to Kinga, which is something he’d promised Arthur he’d never do. They’d shook hands on it, and that meant something. And he hadn’t just promised Arthur, he’d promised himself. But what could he do? Now that Kinga knew about Bella.
“It’s not over yet,” his dad replied. “You’ve got everything you need in the shed. It’ll take time to rebuild, but you can do it.”
“Doesn’t it worry you? Knowing what’s in there.”
His dad shrugged, got out a flapjack and started unwrapping it. “I’m sure Kinga will sort it.”
Kinga certainly wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip through her fingers. As soon as the fire was out she’d sent Gibson and his men straight round to Arthur’s house to keep an eye on Bella and Arthur’s research, twenty four seven. As much as his dad had faith in him, Jacob knew he had more faith in Kinga. His star employee, back in the day. His dad was munching happily on the flapjack now. He didn’t seem at all concerned. How could he eat at a time like this? Jacob couldn’t, his stomach was a knot.
Watching his dad eat like that made him feel ill.
“You told Kinga, didn’t you?’ said Jacob. “About the shed, and the bomb. That’s how she knew. You told her everything.”
There was a brief moment when his dad tried to look innocent, but he gave up and settled on a righteous defiance instead. “Of course I did. It was the only way to sort this shit out.”
Jacob had been so careful to keep the shed and Bella to just himself and Arthur, to keep things safe. The bomb would stay in the shed, a secret, and safe. But he’d told his dad about it, because he talked to his dad about work. That was the deal. His dad got him the job with Kinga, as long as Jacob told him everything. Which had never been a problem. He always went to his dad for advice, because that was what his dad was good at, he’d been the best. It hadn’t occurred to Jacob that everything he said was going straight back to Kinga. How stupid of him. It had probably been going on for years.
His dad tone softened a little. “Look I’m sorry, Jakey, but I had to. You’re right, the lab fire, losing all the data, it’s a complete mess. I just wasn’t sure you’d be able to do what needed to be done.”
Which meant taking Bella away from Arthur and giving it to Kinga.
His dad was probably right, he wouldn’t have done that.
Jacob got up and walked away.
He couldn’t even look at his dad right now, let alone speak to him. The man hadn’t changed, even after everything he’d put them all through, he was still the same flawed person.
“Hey, Jakey, where are you going?”
“Somewhere else.”
“You can’t leave me here. How am I going to get home?”
Not my problem.
God it felt good, even to just think it.
For the first time in years he didn’t feel guilty anymore.
---
“Who is Elizabeth?”
Arthur stared back at Camilla with the look of a wounded animal. He must have known this question was coming, or something like it. But he didn’t look at all prepared for it. Perhaps they’d both grown used to leaving some questions un-asked over the years. It was impossible now though.
“It’s complicated,” was all Arthur could manage in reply.
“Let’s try something a little simpler then,” suggested Camilla. “Did you have an affair with her when you were in New Mexico?”
He squirmed painfully in his seat, like someone had a knife in his guts and was twisting it. “It wasn’t like that. We were working together. A project.”
Camilla sighed. It shouldn’t be this hard.
“Did you sleep with her, Arthur?”
He said nothing.
Just stared down at his cup of tea.
Then gave an almost imperceptible nod of his head.
Arthur wasn’t the type to have his head turned by a pretty face. He was good looking, in a quiet sort of way, and Camilla had seen women try to flirt with him on more than one occasion. It was comical really. He didn’t seem to notice what was going on. But a clever mind? That was another thing. He was drawn to them like a moth to a flame. That was how she and Arthur had got together in the first place. Camilla had been head of the debating team at University. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her when she’d been up on stage, taking her opponents arguments apart piece by piece.
Camilla said, “Tell me everything that happened between you.”
“You don’t want to hear about that.”
“You’re right, I don’t. But if we’re even going to get past this it’s the only way.”
Arthur sighed and nodded again.
She listened quietly as his story unfolded. Hesitantly at first, but as he got going it all came tumbling out. Like he couldn’t stop talking even if he tried. It took a while for Camilla to process it all, to make sense of it. But reading between the lines it was clear enough what had happened. For a clever person Arthur really was incredibly dumb sometimes, especially when it came to people. Elizabeth had manipulated him, that much was obvious. She had used him, because she needed him. He’d been alone in a foreign country, his family far away, and she’d taken advantage of the fact. Maybe this woman had liked Arthur, maybe she didn’t. it was hard to say. But either way she’d got what she really wanted, Arthur on her project.
Which didn’t make any of what Arthur had done ok, but it helped Camilla to understand what had happened. It was pointless trying to tell Arthur any of this of course. He would never be able to see it that way. That he’d been used by Elizabeth. His mind worked in a rather simple and transparent way, and he assumed other people were the same.
“… I was coming home, Camilla,” said Arthur. “The night the accident happened I was leaving. To come back to you and the kids.”
He was looking at her desperately, forlorn, his body frail and gaunt, a withered version of the man she left just a few weeks ago. She’d seen it as soon as he’d walked into the hospital garden and it made her so desperately sad. Perhaps she should have saved this conversation until he’d recovered and was stronger. But wasn’t that what they always did, find a reason to put off until another time what needed to be said today.
She said, “Jacob told me you that you see Elizabeth in the shed. Like she’s really there. That you talk to her, and she talks back to you. Is that true?”
He nodded.
The sad thing was Arthur would never understand why that was the most painful part of it all. Not the affair. It was the years of betrayal that followed. All those hours he spent in the shed talking to his imaginary Elizabeth, rather than being with her and the kids.
“What were you and Elizabeth building in there, Arthur?” asked Camilla. “Jacob told me you were building a bomb, is that right? A nuclear bomb?”
Arthur nodded again.
When Jacob had told her she’d thought it sounded the most ridiculous thing in the world. Angela had convinced Camilla that whatever Arthur was working on could be dangerous, but neither of them had considered anything like this. Who could do something so immensely clever yet monumentally stupid? If anyone could, it would be Arthur. He wouldn’t even stop to think how dumb it was. He clearly wasn’t in his right mind, hadn’t been for years, and probably with no idea what he was doing or why. Whatever hold Elizabeth had had over him in New Mexico hadn’t disappeared when she’d died and he’d come home to London, it had only got stronger. He’d been tortured by his own mind. Something dark had been eating away at him for twenty years, destroying him from the inside out.
Even his confession just now had made a difference to him. He still looked like a husk of the man he’d once been. But as he’d talked about what happened in New Mexico it was like a shadow had started to lift. A weight removed from his shoulders. For all his mistakes, and he’d made many, Camilla couldn’t help look at Arthur now and feel sorry for him. Whatever he’d done wrong in the past, he didn’t deserve this. It was Elizabeth’s fault. But perhaps it was Camilla’s own fault too in a way. She’d known something was wrong with Arthur when he’d got back from the US. She’d thought he just needed time to adjust. But he hadn’t, he’d needed help and support. She’d dismissed it as Arthur being Arthur.
He said, “Is there any hope for us? After all this?”
“I don’t know, Arthur. I really don’t know. Right now let’s get you better, get that horrible weapon out of the shed, and this Elizabeth woman out of our lives. Then we can spend some time as a family and see what happens. Shall we try that?”
Arthur managed a small smile. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”
That’s it for Chapter 17, I hope you enjoyed it and are looking forward to more. Chapter 18 will be out the same time next week, Friday at 4:00pm UK time.
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